Setting Boundaries: A Way Of Respecting Self And Relationships!

Have you ever felt being ignored , or hurt by people around you, or felt worthless?

If yes , then most of the time its because

◆Your expectations are hurting you, 

◆ Or you allow others to take you for granted by your behaviour

This is the same topic of our blog which I am going to address today.

☘️Why boundaries over Expectations?

What are Boundaries ;boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.They are built out of a mix of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. Whereas talking about expectations,It  is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case.It is a belief that is centered on future , it may or may not be realistic, that means it has lots of uncertainty. 

Let's understand what are Expectations and Boundaries in brief:

Expectations come from narratives. Boundaries come from values. Expectations create resentment. Boundaries create freedom .Expectations fill the space between you and I. Boundaries hold that space sacred.

We create expectations for many different reasons.

 Some of them are:

 •Sometimes it's our way of "communicating" our needs.

 • Other times we are trying to see how much someone cares about us 

>> Sometimes Many people are inexpressive . They don't express their love and care directly.  This could be devastating  for our Relationships,if we do not see their love and care through actions . 

 • A lot of times we are doing it because we are projecting the way we "think" things should go - based on things we have heard or been told, movies we have watched and fantasies we have created.

>>For example Many people watch daily soaps on Television, many things are portrayed into it and that create fantasy in our mind, that our relationship should be this way, and that.And when our expectations don't match with our reality , we get hurted.

Getting to the root of Expectations

When we get to the root of our expectations, we can discover what's underneath. We can instead communicate about the needs we have or the values that are important to us. Or the boundaries we need to set to keep the relationship safe.

When we drop expectations, we drop the need to control the other. We stop "testing them with mind reading our fantasies or beliefs, and start filling in the space with communication. We start learning more about one another versus comparing them to the narratives of who they should be. It opens up our relationships and sets us up for connection

Exploring your expectations is a great way to try and understand what is at the heart of them. And when we get to the heart, we can then mindfully decide what we want to do with it. This can help you set boundaries .

While setting boundaries....

◆Remember boundaries are for you and not to control other persons behaviour. Our work is to hold boundaries regardless of reaction.

◆It's uncomfortable, really uncomfortable at the start. But you'll experience it's benefits along with practice.

◆Stay objective.Refrain From explaining over stating the boundary.

 

This are some bullet points you should remember while setting boundaries. 

It may be hard at first, but you'll have more mental peace when you practice it further.

Hope this helps you !

_ Kshitija🌻