Empathy- A Magical Tool!

I am sure many of you may agree when I say that it is the situation where we think, “what is the right thing to say in this case?”

Uncertainty of corona has hit us all in different ways. Some of us are lucky to be strong and positive. Some of us have been feeling slightly worried or negative. Social distancing has made us make video calls or calls to our friends in the hope that we will feel better after talking to them

This is where my problem started. I have been fortunate to be very positive in these times. But when a friend called me and said, “You know I am feeling so anxious that this is going to be the end of world”, I have been at a loss of words. I was racking my brain quickly, praying that it works faster than the fastest computer to come up with a, hopefully, pre-fed correct response. Unfortunately that didn't happen.If these were the normal days I would have told her that let's meet and you'll feel better. But here words would only save me and I had terribly failed in it.

With so much emphasis in today's times on allopathy, homeopathy, naturopathy, as they will help us get back to normal, I forgot the most important pathy- empathy. After gaining so much of knowledge in psychology, I can tell you the definition in a heartbeat but what use is it if you and I can't use it?

Empathy here simply does the work of my eyeballs- just mirroring her thoughts. I am sure she did not expect me to come up with a solution. She just needed to know that I understand her emotions. The words "I understand" are so mechanical that she would have realized I was faking and would have ended the call.

Now that I think about it, my brain could have drawn up a list of options and asked me to pick the correct one, just like KBC. Except here my friendship worth crores was at stake.

◆Option 1- Say "yeah ok but you know what? I made Puran poli today, what do you think?” This would have been cruel apathy, absolutely no care of what she was saying and she would have cut the call and she would have used ‘phone another friend’ lifeline.

◆Option 2- Say, "you are thinking irrationally, you have been home all week why are you worried, you don't look at facts so you deserve this over worrying", that would have been antipathy, criticizing her and making the situation worse. It would throw me out of the game and there would be another round of fastest finger first to see who could help her.

◆Option 3- Say, "yes that's so bad that you are feeling so anxious, it's so difficult in these times, you are right I am also very worried", would have been sympathy and we both would have ended up worrying more and both of us would need other lifelines to feel better.

◆Option 4- Last and the correct option would be to say,  "I understand your obvious worry and concern. Do you want to talk about it? What happened that increased your worry?” In this case she would have told me what worried her, discussed it further and then we could have reached a solution. This is empathy.

With so much going on in the world, people around us, including us, are feeling so many things and sharing them with each other. Having the right thing to say or hear from another person is what we all need. That's where I felt that our skills of showing empathy are being challenged. A simple way to overcome this would be just being a mirror to the other person's thoughts in your own words, showing them that you understand, listening to them, not judging them and then see if you can find a solution to these problems.

Before allopathy works it's magic with drugs and vaccines, let empathy work its magic of truly understanding.

THANK YOU!

-KSHITIJA

●Note-

Big thanks to my Professor - Abhra Pratip Ray sir and My mentor RCsir for educating me on this topic. 🙏